ABSTRACT
In 2001, I was a self-employed rehabilitation counselor and consultant with 16 years of private rehabilitation and counseling experience, a wife, and a mother of three children (an eight-year-old daughter and four-year-old twin boys, including one with sensory and learning disabilities). Attempting to balance family and work was the groove of my life. After the bus picked up my daughter and the boys were off to preschool, I would sit in my home office and daydream in between phone calls, report writing, grocery shopping, and loads of laundry. I was always a career woman: productive, motivated, focused, and effective. However, something big was missing; I was burnt out, a little apathetic, sad, and had a huge hole in my heart. My daydreams included web surfing for ideas and inspiration. Nothing was filling the deep yearning I had for “something.” Since I had always received satisfaction from my work, I thought that this was where the answers lay. But this hole was different; it was one of those “dark night of the soul” kind of existential crises that would not go away. I loved my kids and family life, but it did not sustain the longing for something that I could deeply connect with in terms of purpose. Consequently, I also had tremendous “mom” guilt about wanting something more for myself not connected to my marriage or family. Something that was truly mine. I asked myself: How would I be viewed by others? How would I be judged? Would I damage my kids? Could my marriage sustain a change in me? Would making a change for me put my kids in therapy when they were teens? Could I still be a dedicated mom and still have my own dream? Was I being selfish?
