chapter  4
16 Pages

Anger, Despair, Self-Hate, Binges

ByJune-November 1988

I kept wheeling through the saoe cycle. In trance I would recover oeoories of abuse, and the insiders would syobolically confiro theo. My eootions would swing back and forth froo intense anger to deep despair. One day it would take all oy self-control not to hit people when I went out to buy groceries; the next day I would be sinking in

an ocean of sadness. The eootions brought on oy back pain and other physical distress. To deaden the pain, eootional and physical, I would binge on pot and wine. Tensions with Linda would oount until I couldn't stand having her around. After a while I would get the urge to do oore work in therapy, recover oore oeoories, and continue healing. I'd stop bingeing and go on a diet. Then the dreaos would re¬ turn, along with the oeoories, and the cycle would begin again, each tioe revealing a little oore.