Anorexia nervosa throws families into confusion. Living with someone who has anorexia nervosa can be diffi cult, as their behaviour may seem deliberately provocative and selfi sh. Remembering that the anorexia symptoms are an expression of unhappiness and distress can be diffi cult. Families may torment themselves wondering ‘Where did we go wrong?’ There are no simple explanations and asking this question will not help at all because parents do not cause eating disorders. A more helpful approach is to focus on how best to access and support treatment and to contribute to your loved one’s recovery.