ABSTRACT
There is no single, crystallized moment that marks the budding of the author as a sexual being. In the beginning of his sexuality he felt like a confusing color wheel that spins around so fast that he cannot tell which way he is supposed to dress, how he is supposed to speak, and who he is supposed to love. Masturbating and wet dreams were one thing, but coming to grips with himself as an actual homosexual was a life hurdle unapproachable. Given the lack of sex education, the odd mindset of Christian men (which is rigidly heterosexual), and the shame associated with having same-sex attractions, he did not come out of the closet until 20. To him, sexuality is a process, like uncovering paint layers. Each shade is sometimes vibrant, sometimes dull; but always tethered to his soul. He is beginning to fear the future less and less because he has starting to find value in his life without romance.
