ABSTRACT
(after william cowper’s poem on alexander selkirk.) I am tenant of nine feet by four, My title no lawyer denies, From the ceiling quite down to the floor, I am lord of the spiders and flies. Oh, Justice! how awkward it is To be griped by thy terrible squad! I did but indulge in a quiz, And the Quorum 1 have sent me to quod. 2 Dear scandal is out of my reach, I must pass my dull mornings alone, Never hear Mr. Br—m 3 make a speech, Nor get audience for one of my own! The people, provokingly quiet, My fate with indifference see: They are so unaccustom’d to riot, Their tameness is shocking to me. Personality, libel, and lie, Ye supports of our Jacobin train, If I had but the courage to try, How soon I would sport you again! My ranklings I then might assuage By renewing my efforts to vex, By profaning the rev’rence of age, And attacking the weakness of sex. A libel! what treasure untold Resides in that dear little word, 110More rich than the silver and gold Which the Bank is reported to hoard! But the Bench have no bowels for pity, No stomach for high-season’d leaven, And though we be never so witty, They trim us when judgment is given. O ye, who were present in Court, In pity convey to me here Some well-manufactured report, Of a lady, a prince, or a peer. Do my writings continue to tell? Does the public attend to my lines? O say that my Newspapers sell Though the money must go for my fines! How fleet is the growth of a fib! The astonishing speed of its flight Outstrips the less mischievous squib Let off on a holiday night. Then who would not vamp up a fudge, When he knows how it helps off his papers; Were it not—that the thought of the judge Overcasts him, and gives him the vapours? But Cobbett has got his discharge— 4 The beast is let loose from his cover: Like him I shall yet be at large, When a couple of years shall be over. For law must our liberty give, Though Law for a while may retard it: Even I shall obtain it, who live By sapping the bulwarks that guard it.
