ABSTRACT
After remaining some months in Barbadoes, we embarked for Europe with our two children, in the hope of arriving without a repetition of those accidents that had hitherto pursued us; and though the convoy of a fifty gun ship and a small frigate was unequal to the charge of a number of merchantmen so considerable, we trusted to the superiority of our skill, as Englishmen, in naval affairs, and to the courage of our sailors, who were armed as well as we could arm them for their own defence. The voyage was prosperous to the Madeiras; but it was more tedious than usual, as is ever the case with a convoy; and I found my health suffer extremely. A slow fever seemed to be gradually undermining my constitution; and the progress of the disease was but too visible in my countenance, which I often saw Isabella watching with the tenderest anxiety. I endeavoured to dissipate her fears, and to make light of my complaints, which I imputed principally to the confinement on board ship; and I assured her, that, on my returning to my usual mode of life, I should soon recover my health. But while I thus attempted to quiet her fears, I believed them so well grounded, that fearing death but little for myself, I looked forward with extreme pain to what might be her destiny, and that of my children, after my death, which I was persuaded would happen before the ship reached England. I now again repented of that rashness which had thus involved in difficulties Isabella and my children – for whom I saw only the most melancholy destiny: – I could not hope my uncle would forgive and receive them, and I had no other relation at all likely to give them an asylum: – her friends, if they were disposed to offer it, had hardly the means; and it was only in reflecting on the tenderness of Mrs. Somerive for her daughter, that my anxious spirits found any repose; and I flattered myself that such a mother would pardon and receive her widowed child; and that Isabella, on the small pension of an officer’s widow, might live with her, and bring up my two boys. But when I thought of the youth and beauty of my wife, I could not fail to recollect how improbable it was that she should long remain my widow. I then saw her in the arms of another, and my children become burthensome to another family. – Such were the reflections that incessantly tormented me, irritating the disease that seemed rapidly destroying me; – and so insupportable did they at length become, that I 30wished not unfrequently, that some of those accidents to which a voyage is liable might put an end at once to my personal sufferings, and my fears for my family, and that we might all perish together.
