ABSTRACT

Children are often described as "belonging" to their families. People talk about "their" children and like to think that they will become the people they want them to be. Adoptive families struggle to find a way to "belong" to one another within a context of other belongings. This chapter discusses work with families after adoption and the dilemmas they encounter in finding a way to "belong". Working as a team of therapists with different professional and personal backgrounds has led to conversations about people's cultural beliefs about families. Children moving to adoptive families may have had many hopes and disappointments prior to the placement. Children in a busy foster family or from a chaotic birth family may never have been the focus of attention. The adult, dominant discourse about the children created between birth families, carers, and different professionals can lead to contradictions in the children's understanding of their lives and their identity.