ABSTRACT
In this chapter, I explore how the affective environment of a BBW (big beautiful woman) bash influenced my white, queer, femme, fat embodiment. In February 2017, I performed autoethnography at a BBW bash. I kept a journal of my experiences, paying attention to how and what I learned about my body by focusing on feelings and emotions and the events that seemingly triggered these affects. Theoretical underpinnings of this chapter integrate “freakishness,” affect and fat embodiment as central themes through which I analyze my experiences. This chapter begins with an overview of the historical connections of the intersections of fatness and race to freakishness. Next, I analyze sexual attraction and sexual objectification within bash spaces, exploring the complexities associated with the construction of fatness as both asexual and over-sexualized and the ways by which bashes intensify these phenomena. Additionally, I consider the potential for bashes to provide attendees with opportunities to have “normal” social experiences that are otherwise tainted by fatphobia in their day-to-day lives. The chapter ends with a section exploring intensified body hierarchies in bash spaces that significantly impact how I feel in and about my body.
