ABSTRACT
Thence arises the postponement and finally the full abandonment of the marital bond; or what is perhaps just as bad, a peevish regret after making a choice that does not fulfil the great expectations one had made oneself - for not seldom the Aesopian cock10 finds a pearl when a common barleycorn would have been better suited to him.From this we can perceive in general that as charming as the impressions of the delicate feeling may be, one still might have cause to be on guard in its refinement, lest by excessive sensibility we subtly fabricate only much discontent and a source of evil. To noble souls I might well propose to refine as much as they can the feeling with respect to qualities that become them, or with respect to actions that they themselves perform, but to maintain this taste in its simplicity respecting what they enjoy or expect from others-if only I saw how this were possible to achieve. But if it were approached, they would make others happy and also be happy themselves. It is never to be lost sight of that in whatever way it might be, one must make no very high claims upon the raptures of life and the perfection of men; for he who always expects only something ordinary has the advantage that the result seldom refutes his hope, but sometimes he is surprised by quite unexpected perfections.Finally age, the great destroyer of beauty, threatens all these charms; and if it proceeds according to the natural order of things, gradually the sublime and noble qualities must take the place of the beautiful, in order to make a person always worthy of a greater respect as she ceases to be attractive. In my opinion, the whole perfection of the fair sex in the bloom of years should consist in the beautiful simplicity that has been brought to its height by a refined feeling toward all that is charming and noble. Gradually, as the claims upon charms diminish, the reading of books and the broadening of insight could refill unnoticed the vacant place of the Graces with the Muses,11 and the husband should be the first instructor. Nevertheless, when the epoch of growing old, so terrible to every woman, actually approaches, she still belongs to the fair sex, and that sex disfigures itself if in a kind of despair of holding this character longer, it gives way to a surly and irritable mood.An aged person who attends a gathering with a modest and friendly manner, is sociable in a merry and sensible way, favours with a pleasant dem eanour the pleasures of youth in which she herself no longer participates, and, as she looks after everything, manifests contentment and benevolence toward the joys that are
going on around her, is yet a finer person than a man of like age, and perhaps even more attractive than a girl, although in another sense. Indeed the platonic love might well be somewhat too mystical, which an ancient philosopher asserted when he said of the object of his inclination, ‘The Graces reside in her wrinkles, and my soul seems to hover upon my lips when I kiss her withered m outh’; but such claims must be relinquished. An old man who acts infatuated is a fool, and the like presumptions of the other sex at that age are disgusting. It never is due to nature when we do not appear with a good demeanour, but rather to the fact that we turn her upside down.In order to keep close to my text, I want to undertake a few reflections on the influence one sex can have upon the other, to beautify or ennoble its feeling. Woman has a superior feeling for the beautiful, so far as it pertains to herself; but for the noble, so far as it is encountered in the male sex. Man on the other hand has a decided feeling for the noble, which belongs to his qualities, but for the beautiful, so far as it is to be found in woman. From this it must follow that the purposes of nature are directed still more to ennoble man, by the sexual inclination, and likewise still more to beautify woman. A woman is embarrassed little that she does not possess certain high insights, that she is timid, and not fit for serious employments, and so forth; she is beautiful and captivates, and that is enough. On the other hand, she demands all these qualities in a man, and the sublimity of her soul shows itself only in that she knows to treasure these noble qualities so far as they are found in him. How else indeed would it be possible that so many grotesque male faces, whatever merits they may possess, could gain such well-bred and fine wives! Man on the other hand is much more delicate in respect to the beautiful charms of woman. By their fine figure, merry naïveté, and charming friendliness he is sufficiently repaid for the lack of book learning and for other deficiencies that he must supply by his own talents. Vanity and fashion can give these natural drives a false direction and make out of many a male a sweet gentleman, but out of a woman either a prude or an Amazon; but still nature always seeks to reassert her own order. One can thereby judge what powerful influences the sexual inclination could have especially upon the male sex, to ennoble it, if instead of many dry instructions the moral feeling of woman were seasonably developed to sense properly what belongs to the dignity and the sublime qualities of the other sex, and were thus prepared to look upon the trifling fops with disdain and to yield to no other
qualities than the merits. It is also certain that the power of her charms on the whole would gain through that; for it is apparent that their fascination for the most part works only upon nobler souls; the others are not fine enough to sense them. Just as the poet Simonides12 said, when someone advised him to let the Thessalians hear his beautiful songs: ‘These fellows are too stupid to be beguiled by such a man as I am.’ It has been regarded moreover as an effect of association with the fair sex that m en’s customs have become gentler, their conduct more polite and refined, and their bearing more elegant; but the advantage of this is only incidental.13 The principal object is that the man should become more perfect as a man, and the woman as a wife; that is, that the motives of the sexual inclination work according to the hint of nature, still more to ennoble the one and to beautify the qualities of the other. If all comes to the extreme, the man, confident in his merits, will be able to say: ‘Even if you do not love me, I will constrain you to esteem me,’ and the woman, secure in the might of her charms, will answer: ‘Even if you do not inwardly admire me, I will still constrain you to love me.’ In default of such principles one sees men take on femininity in order to please, and woman occasionally (although much more seldom) affect a masculine dem eanour in order to stimulate esteem; but whatever one does contrary to nature’s will, one always does very poorly.In matrimonial life the united pair should, as it were, constitute a single moral person, which is animated and governed by the understanding of the man and the taste of the wife. For not only can one credit more insight founded on experience to the former, and more freedom and accuracy in sensation to the latter; but also, the more sublime a disposition is, the more inclined it is to place the greatest purpose of its exertions in the contentment of a beloved object, and likewise the more beautiful it is, the more it seeks to require these exertions by complaisance. In such a relation, then, a dispute over precedence is trifling and, where it occurs, is the surest sign of a coarse or dissimilarly matched taste. If it comes to such a state that the question is of the right of the superior to command, then the case is already utterly corrupted; for where the whole union is in reality erected solely upon inclination, it is already half destroyed as soon as the ‘duty’ begins to make itself heard. The presumption of the woman in this harsh tone is extremely ugly, and of the man is base and contemptible in the highest degree. However, the wise order of things so brings it about that all these niceties and delicacies of
feeling have their whole strength only in the beginning, but subsequently gradually become duller through association and domestic concerns, and then degenerate into familiar love. Finally, the great skill consists in still preserving sufficient remainders of those feelings so that indifference and satiety do not put an end to the whole value of the enjoyment on whose account it has solely and alone been worth the trouble to enter such a union.
