ABSTRACT
Unfaithful people stir up reactions in their therapists.
THEORY
Boys' fantasies of male domination arise during the first genital phase (phallic narcissism). Women's fantasies of domination (the “princess”) also arise in the first genital phase. Such grandiose fantasies in an adult can affect the therapist and interfere with empathy for the symbolic defensiveness and severe depressions unfaithful people are often experiencing. 8
The therapist's wish to protect the “victimized” spouse ignores the adult executive functions of the victims of the cheating. The situation of a woman whose husband has cheated can trigger protective feelings the male therapist had toward mother and/or sisters, or projections from a female therapist from her own experiences.
Too much focus on the sadistic aspects of unfaithful behavior may interfere with your understanding the suffering of the person in treatment.
(I am presuming that you are not making the mistake of trying to treat a person who does not feel guilty; see Problem 101 [B].)
