Light at the end of the tunnel
It was now eight days after the operation. My physical recovery from the surgery was going well. The facial swelling had gone down. I no longer had a fever or headache. However, I had lost my appetite and felt nauseous. Psychologically I felt terrible. I remember making a decision that as soon as I was transferred back to Southampton I would definitely find a way to escape from hospital to go and kill myself. I knew that I could not break out from this ward and even if I did, I would not know where to go. At this time I very much regretted that I had agreed to have the surgery, I thought that I had made a big mistake – although why I thought this I do not know, as I still firmly held the belief that I had now ‘tried everything’. I no longer felt any obligation to wait for the possibility of improvement. My impatience to get back home was growing.