ABSTRACT
This chapter explores a number of topics related to romantic love and its connections with sex. There is little agreement among philosophers about what form these connections take, with some going so far as to deny that there is any substantial connection at all. Others, including Raja Halwani, have argued that there is a deep tension if not a contradiction between love, which is by nature altruistic, and sexual desire, which is by nature selfish. Although Halwani’s arguments for this conclusion are unconvincing, there is, I argue, a different kind of tension that naturally arises in our feelings about romantic love, a tension between wanting to be loved reliably if not unconditionally and our desire that romantic love be an affirmation of our worth. Though these desires frequently conflict, it is not necessary that they do so, and the natural tension that exists between them is to some degree ameliorated by the fact that lovers, as they pass through the initial infatuation stage and into a stage of more settled commitment, often change in ways that promote rather than undermine the continued desire to be together. The chapter concludes with a few reflections about society’s prevailing attitudes toward romantic love and commitments, and some ways in which those attitudes might change over time.
