I begin with this vignette from my own childhood because it touches what may be my earliest awareness of what I hold to be the heart of personality growth-the paradox of being known but still remaining private, of being in the world but still separate from it. This paradox is often as confounding to psychoanalysts as it was to the adults in my early life. The acquisition of new self-experience is a process that is not mediated by language alone. There must be com - munication with an "other" at a felt level of personal validity in order for linguistic content to be integrated pleasurably and safely as selfexperience. The analytic situation is designed as a negotiated therapeutic relationship to bring about this integration.