Football is no game for fools, and particularly in football no one wants to play the fool – except perhaps if they are in danger of receiving a yellow or a red card. Anyone on the pitch or on the grandstand who fails to understand the offside rule risks being considered an idiot – since, after all, any 5-year-old knows what offside means. And there are no excuses left; anyone can know it. Traditional arguments such as ‘I’m a woman – I don’t get football’ or ‘Intellectuals aren’t interested in football’ merely reveal the speaker as an uninterested backwoods moron. Football provokes opinions; if you haven’t got anything to say you won’t get much attention. But in order to say something, one has got to have a clue. A stupid word will easily lead to embarrassment.