ABSTRACT
Death has been around for as long as life, yet when it happens, no one really knows how to deal with death or its consequences. Death should not be treated as a taboo subject instead, individuals must learn the techniques necessary to assist others in coping with such a loss.; In a practical format, this guide shows what to do and what not to do for a person who has suffered the death of a loved one. Using the language of the lay person, the book contains over 100 tips for caregivers or loved ones - a simple step is presented on each page, followed by reasons and instructions for each step.; After these steps are mastered, it will be possible to educate others so that death becomes more familiar and maybe a little easier to deal with.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
part |26 pages
What to Say
chapter 1|1 pages
Say “I'm sorry.”
chapter 2|1 pages
Do not say, “It's for the best.”
chapter 3|1 pages
Say, “I care about you.”
chapter 4|1 pages
Say, “I love you.”
chapter 5|2 pages
Say, “I'm here to listen.”
chapter 6|1 pages
Do not give unsolicited advice
chapter 7|1 pages
Tell survivors what a wonderful person the deceased was
chapter 8|1 pages
Share happy memories
chapter 9|1 pages
Do not remind survivors of the deceased's faults
chapter 11|1 pages
Say, “I know it's a difficult time for you.”
chapter 12|1 pages
Do not avoid the survivors because you do not know what to say
chapter 14|1 pages
Say, “You look great.”
chapter 15|1 pages
Say, “You've been so strong for your family.”
chapter 16|1 pages
Say, “It's perfectly all right to let it all out.”
chapter 17|1 pages
Then offer, “I can listen to you when you are ready to talk about this.”
chapter 18|1 pages
Do not say, “Buck up. You have to get on with your life eventually.”
chapter 19|1 pages
Never say, “Get over it.”
chapter 20|1 pages
Do not monopolize the conversation with stories of your previous losses
chapter 21|1 pages
Do share your pain and your feelings of loss for the deceased
chapter 22|1 pages
Never tell the survivor how to feel
chapter 23|1 pages
Do not judge or criticize
part |26 pages
Helpful Things to do
chapter 25|1 pages
Send a sympathy card
chapter 26|1 pages
Make a dinner and share it with the family of the deceased
chapter 27|1 pages
Offer to help with the funeral arrangements
chapter 28|1 pages
Help write thank-you cards
chapter 29|1 pages
Send a “thinking of you” card a couple of weeks after the funeral
chapter 30|1 pages
Share a smile
chapter 31|1 pages
Light a candle in memory of the deceased on special occasions
chapter 32|1 pages
Create a photo album of the deceased and give it to the family
chapter 35|1 pages
Ask, “Is there anything I can do to help?”
chapter 36|1 pages
Offer lots of hugs
chapter 38|1 pages
Rent a comedy and watch it with the survivor
chapter 45|1 pages
Buy helium balloons and take them to the cemetery
chapter 48|1 pages
Send a copy of the obituary to the survivor in a “thinking of you” card
part |12 pages
Dealing with the Death of a Child
chapter 49|2 pages
Do not minimize the loss of an unborn child
chapter 50|1 pages
Do not say, “At least you're young; you can try again.”
chapter 51|1 pages
Do not say, “God must have needed a little angel up there.”
chapter 54|1 pages
When a child dies, do not say, “At least you have your other children.”
chapter 56|1 pages
Do not say, “At least you had a chance to know the baby.”
chapter 58|1 pages
Let the parents know that you hurt, too, and that it does not seem fair
part |17 pages
Helping Children Cope with Death
chapter 59|1 pages
Children suffer the miscarriage of a sibling. Ask them how they feel
chapter 60|1 pages
Children need guidance and reassurance when death affects their lives
chapter 61|1 pages
Give a child the book The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia
chapter 62|1 pages
Do not be afraid to answer children's questions about death
chapter 64|1 pages
Allow the child to touch the corpse, but do not force the issue
chapter 65|1 pages
Take children to the funeral
chapter 67|1 pages
Never lie to a child about death
chapter 68|1 pages
Use the words “died,” “death,” and “dying” when talking about death
chapter 70|1 pages
Buy a teenager who has lost a parent the book Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
chapter 71|1 pages
Rent the movie “Charlotte's Web.”
part |8 pages
During Holidays and Anniversaries
chapter 75|1 pages
Do not forget the deceased during the holidays; the family will not
chapter 76|1 pages
Give the family a Christmas ornament in memory of the deceased
chapter 77|1 pages
Do not ignore the fact that one more chair is empty this year
chapter 80|1 pages
Help the survivor decorate the grave on Memorial Day
part |10 pages
Gifts
chapter 84|1 pages
Plant a tree in memory of the deceased
chapter 88|1 pages
Purchase a nice frame for a photo of the deceased
chapter 89|1 pages
Give the survivor a blank book to use as a writing journal
part |3 pages
Crying
chapter 90|1 pages
Cry with the survivors
chapter 91|1 pages
Convince survivors that it is acceptable to cry
part |3 pages
While at the Funeral Home
chapter 92|1 pages
Visit the funeral home; stay for a while if time permits
chapter 93|1 pages
Bring tissues with you; share them with others who are hurting
part |7 pages
Feelings of Survivors
chapter 94|2 pages
Anger, confusion, and pain are all natural feelings following a death
chapter 95|1 pages
Rage, denial, and fear also are natural feelings following a death
chapter 96|1 pages
Reassure the survivor that various feelings are normal
part |4 pages
Support
chapter 100|1 pages
Do not interrupt when a survivor begins to talk about the death
part |4 pages
Silence and Patience
part |7 pages
General Suggestions