ABSTRACT

The Impossible Choice offers readers a narrative of the relationship between a therapist and her patient who desperately wants to discover her past. With no memory and no way of knowing what was real, her long therapeutic journey was to last 26 years, half her lifetime. Her only reality was the life she lived in the presence of her therapist. The narrative unfolds to reveal a story of horrific events that must be hidden, yet can no longer be kept secret. It sheds light on how chronic long-term traumatisation within a closed family circle can create madness in a vulnerable and lonely child, and helps reader gain an understanding of the enigmatic phenomena of Dissociated Identity Disorder.

Having been terrorized into silence, destroying her ability to use language in a house of secrets and lies, the therapy reveals how this patient struggles to come out of her autistic-like state in search of ways to find her past, her ‘self’ and her voice. In this struggle, the reader becomes an audience exposed to the birth of dissociative personae who come forth to tell her story. As language slowly unfolds, she begins to share a first-hand account, albeit in written form, of the most complex psychological forces involved in a victim of incest who simultaneously loves, hates and is terrorized by her lover-father.

Through live vignettes it demonstrates how external violence can create inner violence that threatens to annihilate the soul, leaving only a body to survive. The book provides an original contribution to our understanding of the complex psychological forces involved in incest, featuring the patient’s own, coherent written texts, mediated by her therapist. The former’s remarkable insights represent essential reading for all readers involved in policy development for the protection of children at high risk of suffering abuse.

chapter |4 pages

Introduction

part I|2 pages

Creating a safe place inside

chapter 1|12 pages

In the beginning – a stone

chapter 2|14 pages

Separating inside from outside

chapter 3|16 pages

Take out the badness, I want to be loved

chapter 4|13 pages

From dead ends to DID 1

chapter 5|17 pages

An alternative way to communicate

Written language

chapter 6|10 pages

How can I know that we are real?

chapter 7|9 pages

The story of incest

Keeping it all in the family

chapter 8|10 pages

The danger of the good object

chapter 9|11 pages

On incest, blindness and paranoia

chapter 10|5 pages

The hospital dream

A place to bring the madness

chapter 12|8 pages

The death of Dad

Loneliness

chapter 13|11 pages

On pimps and prostitution

chapter 14|5 pages

When trauma has no witness

part II|2 pages

Living the past in the present: dying, to get somewhere

chapter 15|18 pages

Enactment instead of memory

chapter 17|11 pages

The cult dream

chapter 18|7 pages

Alice in Horrorland

chapter 19|6 pages

The mysterious garden

part III|2 pages

From inside to outside: choosing life

chapter 20|8 pages

Thou shalt not tell

chapter 21|16 pages

From pregnancy to birth

chapter |11 pages

Epilogue