Originally written in the 1990s, this book remains a key resource for women in heterosexual marriages who discover, or are coming to terms with, their lesbianism or bisexuality. This classic edition includes a new foreword from Ann Northrop, veteran journalist, activist, and co-host of Gay USA that reflects on the changes in language, intersectionality, and understandings of gender since first publication.

Celebrating 25 years since first publication, this book shares the author’s personal story, as well as the descriptive experience of others, to provide validation and empowerment to multitudes of women in their search for their true identities. The author gives women ways in which to structure and restructure their lives and their families after they realize their same-gender sexuality. Chapters consider questions such as how women make this discovery, reactions from loved ones, and the outcomes for marriages and families. Updated throughout with contemporary understandings of sexuality and gender, as well as updated language, this book includes a wealth of information, fresh narratives, and stories offering insight into women’s experiences across the country.

This is an essential read for women and their partners who are discovering their true identity, as well as therapists, helping professionals, and students of women’s studies, gender studies, sexuality studies, and LGBTQ studies programs.

Foreword to the Classic Edition by Ann Northrop  Acknowledgements  Introduction 2020 or Recap  Part One: The Discovery  1. Awakening  2. What Am I?  3. What Now?  Part Two: A New Life  4. Do I Tell My Husband or Not?  5. The Husbands  6. What Do The Kids Think?  7. Coming Out to Friends and Family  Part Three: Options  8. The Reality of Marriage  9. Redefined Marriages  10. New Kinds of Relationships Including Polyamorous Ones  11. The Single Lovers of Married Women  12. Labelling: No Longer Simple  Part Four: Selfhood  13. Sexual Intimacy  14. New Beginnings  15. What Does Transgender Mean?  16 Then and Now or Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda  Part Five: More Women's Stories  17. More Women's Stories  Appendix: Where to Turn to for Help and Information  Notes  Glossary: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Terminology and More  Bibliography  Additional Reading