ABSTRACT
The journal World Medicine; which sadly ceased publication in 1984, was well known as a source of anecdotal material. This included regular snippets from the papers and from communications between doctors, patients and hospitals. This is a selection from the years 1977–84.
The condomned murderer and his girlfriend took overdoses today in an apparent suicide pact.
Glasgow HeraldThe operation was carried out by a Scot, as was the anaesthetist.
Sunday PostFrom our records, we know that 17 patients are using a mechanical method, though this may be the tip of the iceberg.
Health BulletinMy doctor wants me to have the baby in hospital because I’m an elderly primate.
Patient in SidmouthI don’t wish to be put on the duty rooster at the chicken factory.
Lady patient in SussexLost: green silk umbrella belonging to lady with one broken rib and curiously shaped ivory head.
Herts AdvertiserWe shall be at the Curragh for the annual orgasm of the Hospitals’ Trust Derby. Of course it is going to be a most gorgeous afternoon …
Dublin Evening PressThank you for sending this woman along. I have started the bull rolling by requesting a semen analysis.
Letter from infertility clinic, HertfordshireAlthough suicide by a shot in the neck was atypical, the experts said, there were a number of references in scientific literature which described it as a safe method.
The GuardianHand painted pub signs could be on their way back in the North West. More than 350 artists submitted entries when a Warrington based brewery invited people to be hung outside their pubs.
Glazebury JournalReminiscing about Empire Days past, she told the Policy & Resources Committee: ‘In the morning we saluted the flag, and in the afternoon we had it off.
Worthing GazetteImpotence as a presenting symptom in this condition is said to be very uncommon, but there is very little hard data.
British Journal of Sexual MedicineBritish babies like children casserole best.
The TimesSome men are so disturbed and depressed on receiving a life sentence that they end up getting physiotherapy.
Medical NewsEvent Nine: The Norden Trophy for the cow with the best udder. Presented by Mr Norden in memory of Mrs Norden.
Guernsey Agricultural Show brochureDear Doctor, Could you please leave a note to cover me, as I went into hospital for a scrap on Friday, and to be quarterized.
Note from an Essex patientUsing the embassy diplomatic bog to smuggle weapons and ammunition into Britain.
Daily TelegraphDear Doctor, Please come quickly—diarrhoea very bad and going downhill rapidly.
Request for visit, EdinburghThe hospital’s new diagnostic services include three x-ray rooms and nine extra places in the mortuary.
Ormskirk AdvertiserTwo hundred and twenty three patients have been waiting for gynaecological surgery on their ears, nose or throat.
Manchester Evening NewsThe unusual series of sex change operations involves a bilateral mastectomy, hysterectomy and penal surgery.
Aberdeen Evening ExpressWanted: Assistant or associate professor in plastic, reconstructive and bum surgery.
University of Kuwait advertismentAn American surgeon lecturing medical students in Bristol was asked if he considered the operation he was describing was a valuable one. Valuable’ demanded the surgeon, a little taken aback. ‘I raised five kids on it’.
Financial TimesI saw this patient of yours in the clinic. She does appear to be pregnant, and there are social difficulties, with the possibility of the child not being hers.
Note from Manchester obstetricianQuack Chinese doctors are paying £40 000 for bodies snatched from graves. They use parts of the bodies to make medicines that guarantee immortality.
Yorkshire Evening PostFor Sale: Rolls Royce hearse, with 1965 body.
Droitwich GazetteMembers of the family request mourners to omit floral tributes. The deceased was allergic to flowers.
New York obituary columnThrowing caution to the wind, I ordered a tournedos and half a giraffe of wine.
Manchester Evening NewsThe patient changed to Guinness under the mistaken belief that it would not affect his lever.
Surrey consultant’s letterCome to enjoy us in our spectacular LA HACIENDA with mariachis, music, beautiful open terrace and air conditioned entrails. Nice. Clean.
Acapulco Hotel NewsNuclear Leak. The underground control centre to be used at Kettering, Northants, in the event of a nuclear attack, has only an outside lavatory, according to a report to be considered by county councillors.
Daily TelegraphGallstones go with a bang. Doctors at a hospital in the ancient Chinese capital of Xian have perfected a new way of disposing of gall bladder stones. They blow them up with micro-explosives. Physicians insert an apparatus into the bladder, bore a hole in the stone, insert tiny explosives and reduce the stone to fragments which are discharged in the urine.
Xinhua: official Chinese news agencyEven the post mortem failed to establish a precise diagnosis and no useful treatment was subsequently initiated.
Hospital Doctor