ABSTRACT
I’ve decided to take this journal back and throw out the Victorian one the W’s gave me. I hated the way it was starting to sound— absolutely awful. Now I have a new one so I can start all over. I’m scared—really scared. The past week I’ve stayed at Mark’s grandparents’ home—it’s truly beautiful here. However, it’s been a horribly turbulent week (between Mark and me). I hate improper English. I just want to take a vacation for myself— make the next 5–6 weeks a very very spa experience. I decided to drop my summer bio class anyway, but I’ve decided not to tell a soul, till probably mid-through, and just concentrate on losing weight I’ve never quite had an opportunity like this. I intend to shed so much weight that it is absolutely shocking by the end of the summer. I really don’t have much else for any sense of security. I can’t stand myself and my life anymore. The very things I believe in are starting to disappear. I’m really hurting, but I can’t talk about it because there is nothing left to talk about. I’ve made amends with my dad and mom and [sister]—for the most part my parents. What I really hate is my body and I’ve decided to change it. I think not seeing Mark for about 2–3 weeks is a must, but I’ll see when I get there. I am so sick of everything concerning my body. If I get rid of all this disgusting excess weight, it won’t bother me or any relationship in my life ever again.
