ABSTRACT
Whenever I begin couples therapy with a couple in which one or both partners are psychotherapists, I get ready to stretch, both professionally and personally. Contrary to what might seem like common sense, therapists are not the easiest clients to work with; most of us are, as Mom used to say, too smart for our own good. What I hear from the therapists with whom I work is similar, I suppose, to what medical doctors hear from the physicians they treat: “Yes, Doctor; I already know that, Doctor.” I myself am in a romantic partnership with another therapist; I'm well aware of the demands we place on the therapists who are foolish enough to work with us on our marital dilemmas. I know Imago work is supposed to awaken empathy for my partner, but during most therapy sessions in which my partner and I are the clients, the person I feel the deepest empathy for is not my partner, but our therapist. I'd hate to work with us. Further, my therapist-clients, having read many of the same books and taken the same therapy training that I have, know the same therapeutic maneuvers I do. Some are better at using their clinical savvy to thwart the therapy process than I am at helping their relationship. Complicating matters is the well-known fact that therapists are high in reactance, in resisting external influence or direction from others, including other therapists. Finally, in my experience, couples containing at least one therapist or other helping professional often present as a passive/competitive partnership. In this duo, both partners have unresolved conflicts lingering from the fourth childhood developmental stage of competence. And each adapted to his or her wounding at this stage in opposite ways.
