ABSTRACT
A rehearsal hall. This is a stand-up routine performed entirelyon its own.
Alma, a middle-aged sprightly woman, addresses heramateurcompany after a rehearsal ofHamlet. She claps her hands.
ALMA. Right. Bit of hush please. Connie! Thank you. Now that was quite a good rehearsal; I was quite pleased. There were a few raised eyebrows when we let it slip the Piecrust Players were having a bash at Shakespeare but I think we're getting there. But I can't say this too often: it may be Hamlet but it's got to be Fun Fun Fun! (She consults hernotes.) Now we're still very loose on lines. Where's Gertrude? I'm not so worried about you - if you 'dry' just give us a bit of business with the shower cap. But Barbara - you will have to buckle down. I mean, Ophelia's mad scene, 'There's rosemary, that's for remembrance' - it's no good just bunging a few herbs about and saying, 'Don't mind me, I'm a loony'. Yes? You see, this is our marvellous bard, Barbara, you cannot paraphrase. It's not like Pinter where you can more or less say what you like as long as you leave enough gaps.
