ABSTRACT
Act I, scene 4. The bar of the Lyttleton Theatre, in the Royal National Theatre, London.
[JOE. Joanne's been to the play we're seeing this afternoon . She loved it. JOANNE. It's very funny.] I love those old Aldwych farces. They're so English. [JOE. They really are.] I don't think they'd work at all in America today, do you? [JOE. I can't see how. It takes a special ... I know what you mean.] (Beat.) James's family is right out of one of those plays actually. (Laughs to herself.) The first time I met them - . They don't live posh or anything like that, but there is a cook. She used to be James's nanny. (Beat.) One of the family, she is. And everyone is always saying that. Helen from Glasgow. (Beat.) They could not have been
kinder to me. James's father, Freddy - he insists I call him Freddy - and once he gets into a chair you begin to wonder if he'll ever move out of it. (Beat .) Or so his mother says. James's sister made us all watch the telly. James tried to argue but I said I'd love to. I'd only been here a month and I'd hardly got used to English telly so I thought here was my chance to ask questions. (Beat .) So this man comes on; he tries to make some jokes which are not funny, I think to myself. Then he says something like: 'The girl went up to the boy and put her hand into his - .' He pauses and a middle -aged woman completes the sentence with: '- her hand into his golf bag!' And everyone laughs. (Beat.) Even James laughed I noticed . This is peculiar I think to myself. (Beat.) 'Into his golf bag.' She continues now' - and pulls out a club which she used to wiggle his - .' Shepauses and a middle-aged man now completes the sentence with: 'Wiggle his tee out of the ground.' (Short pause. She sips her tea.) [JOE. Huh.] This goes on and on. And when it ends the man who started it all drops his trousers to reveal that his underpants look like the British flag. (Short pause.) What's amazing about England is that in time you begin to find this sort of thing funny as well. (Beat .) Or so I'm told. James says it's the weather . (Beat .) In any event, I don't think a good old Aldwych farce would work in America.
