ABSTRACT
Many adoptive families fi nd there is a gulf between the idealised family which has developed in the minds of the parents and of their adoptive child, and the actual family which they discover in real life. The wish to form intimate relationships appears to be a fundamental characteristic of being human. Suttie (1935) and Fairbairn (1941) have helped psychotherapists to conceptualise the longing to seek and remain in relationship as innate. Fairbairn described a journey of personal growth, from the infant’s state of complete dependence to the adult’s fi nal hopedfor destination of mature dependence, noting that dependence on relationships with others is essential throughout such a developmental journey. From the starting point of dependence on parents, he perceived the growing person as gradually widening that dependence, ultimately to rest it in culture and society.
