While interviewing Cambodian refugee women and men about role changes experienced by Cambodian women since resettlement, and how such changes relate to childbearing interests and family planning use (Kulig 1991), I began to unearth a Pandora’s box in regards to Cambodian gender relations. Because I was attempting to situate childbearing decision making within the context of the family, community and cultural systems, I enquired about how couples came to be married, what are ideal marriage partners and how the couple made decisions about family planning use. Although there were similar ideas expressed about some of these aspects, I developed a sense that all was not well within Cambodian relationships in the United States-women were perceived as changing far too rapidly, and the double standard regarding freedom between women and men was obvious. These findings, combined with stories about “second wives,” divorces among Cambodians, and domestic violence stimulated the development of this paper. What little is known from the literature about gender relations among Cambodians will be presented first followed by a discussion of the research setting and my findings on gender relations among Cambodians.