ABSTRACT

Don't be such a tomboy. Don't bite your nails. Where did you get so dirty so quickly? Act like a lady. Don't chew with your mouth open—it's rude. Go and wash your hands before you come and sit up at the table. Have you cleaned your shoes? Sit still for five minutes. Have you collected the eggs and fed the chooks? Your hem's hanging. Go and get a needle and thread. But I don't like sewing, and anyway, I can't do it. You're such a tomboy. Hold your knife and fork properly, or you'll never be invited to dinner at Buck House. Sit up straight. Don't slouch. Try not to sit with your legs wide open. It's not ladylike. Don't accept lifts from strange men. Be friendly. Act like a lady, not like a tomboy. Enjoy yourself at the party. Always be polite. Be interested in what others say to you. There's a ladder in your stockings. If ever your underpants fall down when you're walking down the street, step out of them, pick them up and put them in your bag. Don't leave them lying in the street. Your petticoat is hanging. Don't look cheap. Where have you been? Why can't you keep your clothes clean? If you don't ask, you don't want. Did you remember to brush the horse down? Don't be such a tomboy. Have you set the table? Where are the salt and pepper shakers? Have you cleaned your teeth? Go and put on some deodorant. Tidy your room. Go and get the cow up from the paddock so I can milk her. Why don't you put on that nice dress I bought for you? You look so soft and feminine in it. But I don't like it, it's prissy. Now that you've got your period you'll have to try and act like a lady. Be yourself. Don't go swimming when you've got your period. Always wash yourself properly. Don't wear nylon underpants. Use cold water to wash out bloodstains. Don't listen to what the other girls say. It's probably not true. Always ask a boy what his father does. You can tell a lot about a person from their table manners. Don't do anything silly. Make the gravy for the roast—always use flour. Did you put 90salt in the porridge? If you add baking powder to the beans they'll keep their color. Learn to be a lady. When you stay with someone, be polite—offer to dry the dishes, help out, don't just sit there. Always smile. Smile and the whole world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone. Wednesday's child is full of woe. I think you'll have to bring the sheep in by yourself from Walleroobie tomorrow. Don't do things just because others do them. People respect a girl who says no. When you're travelling, wash out your panties at night. Take one of those stretch clotheslines with you. Don't borrow money from others. If you do, pay it back straightaway. Keep your independence. A girl needs her own income. You shouldn't work for money if you don't have to. You should stop working when you get married. Maybe you'll marry a doctor. Keep up your maths. Learn to follow the share market. Always finish what you start. If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. Have you fed the dogs, watered the garden, swept the back path, cleaned the aviary? Virgins shouldn't use tampons.