ABSTRACT
The author says that his identity had been disrupted almost too many times to count—that is to say, it has shifted, grown, been challenged and negated, thrived, and shrunk into itself. At 14, nearly every night, after school and before he went to bed, he did three things: masturbate, usually to gay porn; made incisions into his skin, trying to bleed out the sin; and pray, asking God to fix him. He was in the ninth grade when he confessed his feelings. The author talks about his friend Alec, who had a difficult home life; he talks several others with whom he has had sexual relationships with. He says he has done sex work to supplement his studies and has improved his life by exploring his sexuality. Many of his friends and loved ones are part-time or full-time sex workers.
