ABSTRACT
This chapter describes emotionally focused therapy couples therapy involving a pursuing/withdrawing couple dynamic, specifically focusing on engaging the withdrawer. It highlights to show how dynamic Black culture is and that historically viewing it as monolithic has missed the deeper impact of differences in ethnicity, values, needs, and norms in Black romantic relationships. The chapter disrupts negative cycle of critical pursuit and withdrawal by slowing the interaction and underscoring it heavily with distressing emotions and self-talking in an effort to assist them in seeing how their assigned meanings to their partner's behavior can be adjusted. By focusing on their emotional experiences-Samuel's stress in feeling demanded upon and not seeing Cassandra as a figure to lean on, and Cassandra's fear of loss of connection (at various levels)-an emotionally engaged moment happens between them.
