ABSTRACT
In this chapter, the author explains how he tried to develop a psychoanalytic understanding of her experience. She attempts to convey how she understand the meaning of rejection. The author intended to observe neonates in detail, to learn more about development, but she found herself preoccupied with the study of rejection, which intruded on each aspect of my encounter in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). She highlights the intrusion of the experience on her intended task. The experience of being rejected as the observer stirs up a welter of primitive feelings. It is important for the observer to understand the nature of the personal experiences present in the countertransference in order to prevent acting out. The large metal doors of the NICU are locked at all times, and one either has to know the code or buzz to be let in through the security door.
