ABSTRACT
The men and women who present themselves for couple therapy and those who see them have been raised in similar and particular ways, with similar and particular sets of expectations and similar and particular sets of desires from their partnerships. Even if we are heterosexually orientated or directed, we hold inside ourselves the legacy of our first love relationship—a relationship with a woman. Insofar as this was a satisfactory experience, we have the possibility of achieving intimacy. For a man who had a difficult relationship with his mother, closeness with a woman may be threatening. The man's attempt at distance and the woman's attempts at closeness thus clash, making the relationship, at worst, a battlefield. The emotional responsibilities ran thus: the woman was to do the emotional labour. The woman, in turn, would nurture, care for, and bring up the children and be responsible for the household labour and the domestic management of daily life.
