Father “there and not there”: the concept of a “united couple” in families with unstable partnerships

This chapter focuses on clinical work carried out as part of the Tavistock Clinic’s Under Fives Service. It also focuses on a few selected aspects of the problem, and addressing some areas of difficulty in the parental relationship can often provide relief to children and reduce their symptoms. The particular dynamics and circumstances of some single-parent families, or those with unstable parental partnerships, may make the ordinary working through of the Oedipus complex more difficult to negotiate, for a number of reasons. The chapter also focuses on a few selected aspects of the problem, and addressing some areas of difficulty in the parental relationship can often provide relief to children and reduce their symptoms. Father “there and not there” creates a more ambiguous external situation and may heighten the child’s confusion about his own phantasied destructive powers to “split” the parents, and his own phantasied powers to protect and enliven the remaining parent.