ABSTRACT
Romantic partners typically adhere to the rule of non-simultaneity, according to which it is morally impermissible to romantically interact with anyone other than one’s partner for the whole duration of one’s relationship. By way of taking up and expanding a thought by Theodor W. Adorno (1951/2005), the author describes non-simultaneity as logically and practically linked to a desire of lovers to possess each other, which is informed by fear of losing a competition. In acting on this desire, we are more concerned about our social status as respectable romantic subjects, and our sense of self-worth linked to that, than we are engaged in reciprocal love with the loved one. In fact, aspirations to romantic ownership provoke exactly what they purport to prevent: the loss of the loved one, whom they turn into an exchangeable object. This is contrasted with a possible future of our romantic culture in which the rule of non-simultaneity has lost its ethical significance. Partners in relationships might be better able to focus on loving rather than possessing each other, and valuable relationships that under current social norms are ended for the sake of starting a new one could be maintained. Instead of having to replace or reject one person in favour of another, both loves were allowed to unfold.
