ABSTRACT
This chapter argues that most modern theory and research concerning marriage is based on a particular problematic assumption. This assumption is that the challenge of modern marriage is to somehow reconcile (1) a strong sense of personal autonomy or self-interest with (2) the kind of commitment, fidelity, and even sacrifice that marriage has usually been thought to involve. This chapter contends that this kind of sharp dichotomy between autonomy and commitment makes such reconciliation impossible. It rests on a modern individualistic outlook that overvalues separateness and autonomy to protect individuals from dogmatism and domination at all costs and fails to appreciate what mature commitment and genuine deep relationality are all about. The chapter suggests ways that a different kind of social ontology, one that that Slife (2004, p. 158) terms “strong relationality,” might help to assuage these confusing and debilitating tensions and oppositions.
