ABSTRACT
“Kaarwaane Ghubaar” is a piece written by Joginder Paul on his own life and it traces the swarm of memories that haunted him all his life. Paul could never be free of the ingrained feeling of guilt since his early days in Sialkot that his father had to pound large chunks of salt to provide for his education. Paul had to give up his studies when the family moved to Ambala after Partition. This piece talks of the work he did then to take care of his family, his father’s illness, his sister’s marriage and life, the unexpected turn in his own life because of his marriage, his shift to Nairobi, and so on. Guilt overpowered Paul again as he learnt about his sister’s death two years later, while still in Africa. After 14 years of stay in Kenya, the family came to live in Aurangabad. Restlessness chased him in spite of regular interactions with readers of Marathi and Urdu literature. Even as his passion to write stories began to take roots, he left the college principal’s job and came to live in Delhi – a nameless fear coiling around his heart. This article takes into account the writer’s consciousness at his creative best and the consequent thought that the time had come for his stories to quietly become themselves. Perhaps, felt he, this is why God grants the blessing of death to those who write!
