ABSTRACT
But whilst we who are well and prosperous in kith and kin are rejoicing in the anticipation of the season which brings peace and good will to all, we are reminded of those to whom this season may be specially one of sorrow, and of homes where the empty chair and the absent face are the prominent features of the period. In high places as well as in our home circles, Christmas does but remind many of us of those who have gone before to solve the great mystery which Charles Kingsley 1 confessed in his last hours was to him an object of ‘reverent curiosity.’ Many who on such occasions have been the life and soul of mirth and fun are now chastened and sorrowful, and their sable garments are but a symbol of their sadness. This consideration has been thrust on me lately by the necessity of arranging for conventional and ordinary mourning for a dear friend. How earnestly I have wished that such a necessity did not exist, that it were not needful to thrust bonnets, capes, and gowns into thoughts so differently occupied. The inharmonious conditions involved in considering the texture and make of a dress, with a heart bursting with grief, has, I suppose, given rise to specialists even in this line – experts they may be called, who will, if so desired, take all the consideration and annoyance off your hands, and will send you home garments made to rule, with the prescribed depth of crape according to the degree of relationship to be signified, and all duly recognised in the code of fashion. In London Messrs. Jay 2 were, I think, the first to take up this specialty, and now there are many others who do likewise. In order to indulge in the luxury of undisturbed grief, and yet to follow the dictates of society in costume, one must be prepared to pay considerably for the speed with which the mourning dresses are constructed and the trouble one is spared. How earnestly I have wished during the past week that some simple sign of remembrance could be worn, without the elaborate changes in every article of costume, which make mourning so costly and so troublesome. I believe a society does exist called ‘The Reform Mourning Society,’ but I hear nothing of its doings, and I see no great change in the habits of persons in this respect. The change, if any, must come from the upper classes, the poorer and shabbier people are the more closely 382do they cling to the time-honoured idea of ‘showing respect to the dead’ by the depth of their mourning. Those who see much of the very poor will testify to the existence of this foolish feeling, and how it frequently happens that when the bread winner of a family is taken away, and money is therefore scarcer than ever, poverty is increased and debt incurred to gratify this absurd notion. Funerals and all their attendant expenses and follies are beneficial to those who provide them, and are a remnant of old and barbarous customs and notions unworthy of the nineteenth century, partaking of the same spirit which induces the poor savage to lacerate and cut himself with knives, and stones, to show his sorrow at the death of his near relative. Yet we are none of us strong enough to take the initiative, and to say, ‘We will not do it.’ We, who loved our dear one so well during life, will not make her death the occasion for expenses and arrangements which only add another burthen to our already over-weighted heart. The neighbours and acquaintances who make this demand upon us – Mrs. Grundy, 3 in fact– it is for her we assume our sable garb, and she says, in her short-seeing folly, ‘See how they loved her,’ putting, as she always does, the symbol in place of the reality – the shadow for the substance – shall we ever free ourselves from her tyranny and exactions, and act and live, out, drink, and dress like free and independent individuals; as we list, in fact?
