ABSTRACT
Grief and yearning are usually associated with the loss of a valued relationship. This chapter suggests that we can also yearn and ‘grieve’ for relationships that we never had but needed. As a social species we are evolved with social motives and mentalities to form relationships with others. From birth, we need and are able to respond to ‘loving care’ because we have brains that are seeking and receptive to those signals. People who come from neglectful or abusive backgrounds can be forced to close down these care-seeking systems, but this form of defense does not remove the basic evolved motivational system. In psychotherapy clients can experience a new sense of connectedness to their care-seeking systems and experience ‘grief and yearning’ for the love and ‘desired parent’ their care-seeking system was designed to seek and connect with.
