ABSTRACT
This piece is a personal reflection on how dominant discourses around the assigned female at birth (AFAB) body come to shape relationships with food, exercise, sexuality, and gender. The author reflects on a lifelong love–hate relationship with food, their body, and the never-ending struggle to meet societal expectations. It was through an unconventional sport that the author began to truly discover the power of radical resistance and how to redefine and transform their relationship with food, their body, and identity. Ten years of playing roller derby (derby), immersed in a space where AFAB bodies are queer, diverse, strong, and aggressive, transformed a tumultuous relationship with the body, mended a relationship with food, and helped the author actualize their queerness. Derby shifted how they viewed themselves and ignited an inner resistance against the suffocating expectations of the AFAB body that infiltrated their psyche. Derby was the place where the author had the support and gained the courage to redefine themselves. Presently, coping 14 months without derby, the author revisits old demons as they come to terms with immense grief, for they have lost the beloved sport, community, and spirit that was so transformational in their relationship with their body and identity.
