ABSTRACT
The challenges for LGBTQ+ individuals do not end after coming out. There is the immediate need to be accepted in and out of the queer community. Then, there is the validation found through being loved, and moreover, being desired; specifically, to experience sexual freedom after years of repressing one’s identity. After I came out, I was not prepared for the pervasive value on appearance within my community of gay men; in order to be attractive, or desirable, one had to possess certain physical attributes: predominately being white, tall, and having a body that was either underweight, toned, or extremely muscular. For those who do not hold such characteristics – including myself – this often leads to problematic results. This chapter focuses on my experience navigating my body image and relationship with food through the lens of a gay Asian man who did not fit into the conventionally attractive gay male body type, and subsequently, experienced eating disorders in my attempt to gain the aforementioned validation and find self-worth.
