ABSTRACT
This autobiographical chapter is an effort to convey the consequences of a system of manic defences developed in adolescence and early adulthood to cope with parental absence and death. The chapter will discuss the subtle but pervasive influence of these manic defences in my stance as a psychotherapist, illustrated with case vignettes. I will then examine the gradual loosening of these defences as a result of personal analysis and the professional study of the manic character. The years-long interweaving of the personal and professional yielded an understanding of my manic flight from an unmourned history of family anguish, losses, and death. The chapter concludes with an account of my accompanying a client through illness and death during the time of the COVID-19 pandemic.
