ABSTRACT
The year 2023 marks 20 years of civil war in Syria, and although I haven’t followed the politics of this war or the humanitarian response to it in subsequent years, in October 2012 I was part of a two person ‘diplomatic exploratory mission’ to Damascus. The purpose being to negotiate legitimate access for an international NGO (INGO) into Syria from Syrian government officials via the South African office. I was a year into my position as a deputy medical coordinator for the operations in South Africa and Lesotho, the highest position occupied by a South African national in the organisation at that time. Although I was never given a clear reason for being asked to participate in this diplomatic mission, I assumed it had to do with the position I held in the in-country coordination structure. However, I quickly came to realise that my role was simply to be a brown-faced South African prop to a white man attempting to gallantly bargain with Syrian authorities on behalf of the INGO. This tactic had previously worked in another similar context: Instead of approaching from Europe, reach out to the South African ambassador in the war-torn country and negotiate access via the South African office. It may have worked the first time but the Syrian government was not as vulnerable, and whoever thought it would work in Syria clearly underestimated the lasting effects of racist and colonial legacies at thwarting the best intentions. The point of my reflection is not to debate if the INGO’s presence in Syria, whether legitimate or not in the eyes of the Syrian government, was or is necessary. What I want to share is the way in which I was used as a token escort, how I was controlled and manipulated by those responsible for putting me in that position and the double standards between what was said and what was done, especially by my colleague on this mission. Moreover, my experience highlighted the stark contrast between how INGOs are perceived outside of their circle of influence, public relations and self-image and how forces of imperialism and colonialism shape these perceptions, especially among those on the receiving end of such forces, regardless of the organisation’s intentions.
