ABSTRACT
The end of my senior year of high school was an internal struggle. I was a confused teen being told that real life would begin as sure as high school would end. All I could tell myself was that if these last 4 years of my life were going to reflect what the rest of my life would be, I was in trouble. Being “the best student” was something that I never thought about because intelligent kids weren’t accepted by my peers. I learned that in middle school when I got jumped by some fellow students, while riding on the bus, after we had attended an extracurricular activity. It was clear from the comments they made while pounding on me that I had a choice: Be one of the mean boys who never studies (and be safe), or be one of the smart kids and be forced to watch my back. I chose safety. Before this event and its aftermath, my family believed I could go to college to become whatever I wanted to be. They believed that I would go to college. My mom pleaded with me to get good grades in high school and go on to college, but she could only show me the result of not having a college degree. She had her own internal struggles when it came to school, and she never gained the confidence to go to college. I remember thinking in my senior year that I had messed up too much to be able to go to college and get a college degree. Given my behavior and my grades, there certainly were not any teachers at my high school who had faith that I could pursue a college degree. And who could really blame them? I was certainly not showing any potential. For the last year or so, I would go into a classroom and the first thing I would do is tell the teacher what I wasn’t going to do. During my free time I would play spades and blackjack “for a buck,” instead of doing my homework, or joining any student organization. At the end of the day I would grab a club sandwich from Cousins Subs and head home on the bus. My main motivation to stay in school was so that I could attend the open gym on Saturdays with my friends. For that you had to be a student at the school, so I made sure I was eligible for that at least.
