ABSTRACT
There is now a long-standing, interdisciplinary consensus that the same mechanisms that regulate the mother-infant bond, which grow the brain and co-create the mind, also mediate attachment bonds throughout the lifespan. Proximity to a loved one tranquilizes the nervous system, Allan Schore told, in one of his memorable rhetorical turns, but Solomon and Tatkin, his former students, reminded that romantic bonds can also be very risky. An angry yearning for the lost relational home drives the downward spiral of alienation in such failing couples. Each apparent escalation reflects the unremitting effort of one partner to master the unresolved trauma of the other's nonrecognition. Gender inequality reproduces itself one mind at a time, via the gendered premises that constitute hetero-normative masculinity and femininity. The inherently charged nature of couple work derives from a synergy of past and present relational emergencies. Couple treatment is a Petri dish on impasse, stalemate, and deadlock.
