ABSTRACT
Men and women do sometimes find themselves unable to comprehend their own and each other's sexuality, making it difficult for them to talk about their feelings together. The sense of longing motivates us to take action, to seek out the object of our desire. Sexual desire combines aggression and receptivity to this end, resulting in a melting and merging with another into something resembling a borderline state. Attachment theory, essentially a dyadic relational theory, offers us a different perspective on the genesis and expression of sexual desire. While acknowledging the place of biology in the dynamics of desire, it emphasises the significance of the mother-infant rather than the parental couple in shaping and channelling its expression. This chapter explores intersubjective aspects of sexuality, and particularly the developmental significance of close relationships for coming to identify and integrate emotional experience within the self. Attachment theory was conceived in the cradle of infant–parent relationships. It has extended its application to couple relationships.
