ABSTRACT
Classic western grief theory and therapy teaches that death is the end of the relationship between the living and the dead. It adds that a key task of grieving for the living is to work through their emotions towards the deceased and readjust their identity. According to the more recent theory of continuing bonds it is both normal and healthy for the living to maintain their relationship with the deceased after death. In both theories assumptions are made regarding emotions, identity, relationships or bonds, and the intricate interplay between these. This chapter examines these assumptions and focuses on the particular problematic idea of presence, a fundamental assumption when it comes to emotions, relationships and identity. Introducing Continuing Bonds, two of the editors, Phyllis Silverman and Dennis Klass, argue that the accepted understanding of grief in twentieth-century western society has been that 'the mourner must disengage from the deceased'. Presence is the surprising key word in the continuing bond thesis.
