ABSTRACT
In this chapter, the author illustrates factors that contributed to paralyzing depressive episodes and strategies. It reflects on how his mental and emotional rollercoaster was affected by and affected his work as a teacher educator. By the end of elementary school, the author was already hyper-aware that both race and class influenced academic grouping in schools: he was routinely separated from most of his Black and low income White friends, of which he had many. When the author entered graduate school as a student, the university's racial climate was already strained. His time in graduate school was punctuated by racist incidents common in many predominantly White institutions. One effect of his craziness on pedagogy, therefore, is that students are not given space to grapple with the difficult issues in class. Searching for other avenues to reach his students led him to share his mental health challenges; lives lost due to silence weigh heavily on his soul.
