ABSTRACT
Parents often find themselves in dilemmas regarding lies. Sometimes they feel that lying should be strictly forbidden; sometimes that they should regard their child's lies facetiously or even actively enable them. This chapter discusses why parents often react to the child's lies in ways that aggravate the problem and damage the parent–child relationship. It proposes a vigilant care approach that may help parents deal with this thorny problem. Lies can harm normal development in several ways: They can perpetuate situations in which the child does not fulfill his tasks; hurt the child's relationships with others; and increase exposure to temptations and dangerous influences. Relinquishing the wish for total control does not mean that lying is devoid of interpersonal and disciplinary consequences. Trusting less and checking more are not punishments in the traditional sense, but rather natural consequences of lying. Violations of trust have consequences that go beyond the parent–child relationship. Creating transparency is crucial for reducing lying.
