ABSTRACT
The author's one of biggest fears is that whether he will be so incapacitated that the lifetime of work he have engaged in to counter his racist upbringing will be forgotten in a wave of senility. He fears that all the racist epithets, thoughts, and rhetoric that were planted in his youth will re-emerge with a vengeance. They were planted so deeply as a child that, if he becomes incapacitated, he fears that they might still sputter forth. Even today, he can hear words like nigger and jiggaboo rattling around in my head. He wants to erase them, delete them like computer files, and shake my brain clean like an Etch A Sketch. He fears being a senile old man spouting off the racist diatribes that he have worked so hard to defeat internally and externally. He wishes that he could go into his brain and expunge all the racist jokes, tropes, and words he has ever heard.
