ABSTRACT

This chapter offers the reader an opportunity to catch glimpses of a doctoral researcher’s reflexivity in action as she reflects on her ongoing struggles to find the time, energy, or mental-physical-bodily capacity to settle in to ‘just write’ as the domestic, mundane, and bewildering confusions of her daily life march in and threaten to get in the way of her desire to fulfil her academic potential. Through the creative (psycho)analytic practice of writing as a method of inquiry, which is informed by a stream-of-conscious feminine style of writing drawing on psychoanalytic ideas, this chapter makes use of material written at a three-day writing retreat to reflect on formal papers, written and presented at academic conferences as well as informal research diary notes. Mindful that an anonymous reader is unlikely to ever meet her in person, the writer tries to convey something of the physical untidy, beautifully unruly, and messy female working-class body that sits behind the scenes of the written words that offer some insight into the inner workings of her mind as she grapples with coming to terms with how the demands of her daily life and the ‘baggage’ she carries from her past impact her research. This chapter will give a sense of transparency and movement in the researcher’s process of writing-thinking-reflecting over a range of moments, over a period of time, in a variety of locations, as she takes forward the call made by Jane Speedy to view reflexivity as a call towards liminality.