ABSTRACT
Soft/Hard/Soft is a communication technique that is useful in all relationships. It is a simple structure for speaking truth kindly and saying hard things in a way that they can be heard. This technique can be particularly useful in stepfamilies because of the differences between the biological parent and the stepparent, especially before a deep attachment is forged. For one adult, a “comfortable” living room may be one that is completely cleared of clutter and confusion. Soft/Hard/Soft communication provides a structure for engaging over differences in ways that build connection and collaboration rather than disconnection and divisiveness. Successful stepcouples face the same typical challenges as struggling ones. However, thriving stepcouples communicate constructively about their differences. Less-successful stepcouples avoid conversation or get stuck in corrosive conflict. Stepparents usually want more limits and boundaries with stepchildren. Almost all of them can easily grasp Soft/Hard/Soft, and most can use it on their own at home.
