ABSTRACT

The technique of clarifying a distressed couple’s negative emotional-behavioral cycle is rooted in the systemic and attachment orientations of emotionally focused couple therapy (EFT). Attachment theory views the patterns as partners’ unsuccessful attempts at regulating attachment anxieties and seeking secure connection from their partners that paradoxically heighten insecurity. The purpose of clarifying the negative cycle is to create a meta-perspective that shifts the problem away from being the fault of one of the partners, and to frame this cycle as the common enemy that blocks satisfying connection. Framing the negative cycle as the relationship problem is consistent with the de-pathologizing and collaborative nature of EFT. EFT therapists collaborate with a couple to recognize and begin to shift the default behaviors and underlying fears that are blocking secure connection. The systemic view is that self-reinforcing repetitive patterns of demand-pursue/withdraw-defend characterize distressed couple relationships.