ABSTRACT
Empathy is a key regulating, soothing, and binding force for couples. However, in a stepfamily, parent-child bonds pre-date the stepcouple relationship. Empathic joining is a kind of heart-led mirroring that interrupts chronic “but, but, but” responses and begins to rekindle the hope and caring that stronger bonds can be made among all parties. Empathic joining is also very useful in shaping parent-child attunement. Stepparents are consistently left out of established parent-child connections. In a stepcouple, connection does not usually come from both individuals feeling the same way. It must come from skillfully expressing their feelings and needs, and slowing down enough to fully take in and empathize with the other’s very different experience. On the surface, helping couples join through empathic listening is quite simple. However, using it well requires staying firmly and confidently in charge, while remaining deeply compassionate and acutely attentive to nonverbal cues.
